Week Nineteen

This week has been a good week of consolidation for me. Throughout this week, has been one that has been filled with thoughts about the cost of discipleship. On Monday, we wrote our gospels exam, and as stressful as it was, it was a joy to write. Much time was spent in preparation for the exam and the lessons that I learned during the class were very much sealed in my studying. A major thing that I have learned through the gospels class is the idea of obedience, as this is a huge theme in Matthew. I am so used and comfortable with the idea that faith is all that is needed for salvation, while good works are further conformation of this faith. Something that I have learned in Matthew is the importance of our works. This in no was diminishes the importance of faith and the grace that God has given to us, but we will be judged based on our deeds, as stated numerous times throughout the New Testament. This is a new reality for me. Reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s book, The Cost of Discipleship, has shed some more light on this for me, that only those who are obedient believe, and only those who believe are obedient. Something else that I have been learning in Matthew and that Bonhoeffer echos is that suffering is the way of discipleship. That is only natural if we are following Jesus. I do not want to suffer, but I welcome it at the same time, since it is my badge of discipleship, it shows that I am sharing in the life of Christ. This week has been a week where I have been constantly surrendering to God. I have found myself many times praying and telling him to take every part of me. I am still not too sure what this looks like, however maybe surrender is simpler that what I imagine it to be. I feel that God will be continuing to show me more and more things to surrender, however I just want to get rid of everything now. Surely this is possible, to put an end to absolutely everything that is holding me back from following Jesus and being obedient. One of my friends here was talking about this and he said that Jesus grew in wisdom and favour with God and men, and this thought excites me and gives me hope that I too will be growing in wisdom and favour with God and men. This life of surrender will evolve, I want it all right now, but I feel that as time goes on, I will be living more and more of my life fully surrendered to God.

Apart from studying and writing papers, this week was a lot of fun. We had another Ditch the Girls night, and was spent running around camp doing tasks kinda like the amazing race, eating massive slabs of steak, jumping over couches into piles of mattresses, building forts, eating ice cream, massive game of contact sardines in the dark, a great chapel in the “tabernacle” or our fort, all topped off with a couple hours at an indoor rock climbing gym. It was a great time. The chapel was great because it forced us to focus on how to run this last part of the race well. Full of admonishment, I felt challenged and convicted on my speech, and came away feeling the need to surrender my mouth to God and to only speak and think upon things that are true, right, good, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. So far, it has been pretty good. The next day we all went up to Mount Washington for another day of snowboarding. Such a fun time and was really glad that I went. This past weekend, although I could not go to youth group or church, was a great serving weekend. There was six of us working in dishpit and we had a blast! I have never had more fun doing dishes. I did miss going to youth though, I feel like I have not gone in a long time, and of course I missed going to church and to someone’s house afterward for lunch.

This week I have had some great times alone with God. I have been brought to tears with powerful worship songs sitting on massive pieces of driftwood, and have also felt completely empty of his spirit and just needed to go and walk out in low-tide and express my frustration to him. He is merciful though. And as I have also experienced this week, his mercies are new every morning. Yesterday as I was sitting in the woods, needing to be filled and be fed, his word revealed to me what I must do to finish this race well, as I was struggling with doing this I felt. Taken right from 1 Corinthians 9, Hebrews 12 and Isaiah 40 I came up with this list:

-run with purpose in every step

-throw off the sin that weighs down and entangles

-keep my eyes fixed on Jesus

-run with perseverance

-give up what is entitled to me that will not help me to live out the gospel

-take a new grip

-wait for the Lord to renew our strength.

Please pray that I would be running this last stage of my Kaleo race well through all those ways on the list. I pray that God would be working up in us his grand finale, that the rest of the year would pale in comparison to the things that he would show us and teach us and do for us in these next four weeks. This has been quite a journey, thank you all for sharing in it with me. I will leave you with a verse that has given me encouragement to run this race well, right to the end.

So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong - Hebrews 12:12-13